My son wants me to sleep with him. Why is it that some parents never learn how to overcome their feelings of jealousy when their son wants me to sleep with him? Why do some women continue to nag their children about not sleeping with their boyfriends or girlfriends when they themselves are never quite comfortable with sleeping with anyone but their husband or wife?
Why are some mothers afraid that if they let their son sleep with them, it will change their family’s dynamics and make them look bad? Why must our children know the dangers of sleeping with our husband or wife?
Jealousy is a very destructive emotion and can have very negative consequences. It can cause a mother to be worried that her son might leave her, it can cause a father to be concerned that his daughter might date a man, and it can even cause a child to feel that his parent’s love him no matter what he does.
As children we learned that it is our job to keep ourselves happy. Our parents must set rules for us to follow and we must try to follow them. If we did not do well in school, our parents would yell at us and punish us. If we did not get good grades in school, our parents would sit down with us and tell us why we were not doing as well as we wanted to.
When my son wants me to sleep with him, it is a sign that he wants me to focus on him and his needs. If he is whining and crying and telling me to “make him stop” then he is telling me that he cares about me but I should not care about him.
He is demonstrating that he is incapable of loving me unless I am playing an active role in his life. He could be saying, “Mom, you should listen to me more often and make me feel special.” Or he could be saying, “I need your attention and you are giving it to me.”
When my son wants me to sleep with him, he is trying to establish himself as the alpha male in his family. This is a clear indication that he has come to the age where he wants to take over. By sleeping with his dad, he is establishing a hierarchical structure where the leader of the household is rested and cared for and the children are left to fend for themselves.
The result is a family that have much less tension and much lower levels of conflict. Children that sleep with their parents are much happier and healthier in many ways than children who do not.
How can you deal with your child that says, “I want me to sleep with my father?” There are some things that you can do. First, respect his desire. Just because he says he needs your time on the night doesn’t mean that you have to give it to him. Even if you don’t feel like it, agree to it one way or another.
You can set an example by giving him space to put in your bed. Let him see that you are accommodating his needs and that you are willing to set aside some of your time to let him down if needed. This is a wonderful way to show him that you are his friend and that he can talk to you about anything.
You can also let him know that his desires are not important to you. That is, you are happy to see him happy and healthy and you support him in his choices. After all, his happiness matters more to you than anyone else. He will come to realize this.
If your husband tells you that he wants you to sleep with him then listen to him. Don’t be quick to judge him or be negative about it. You may find yourself doing exactly that if you continue to stay angry at him over his sleep requests.