A divorce can be an extremely difficult experience for children, and you can help your child through it. When children are going through a divorce, they experience a range of emotions including denial, anger, sadness, and fear. Many of them will blame themselves for the problems in their marriages, while others blame both parents. But for many children, all of those emotions are part of their reality.
The first step for kids who are going through a divorce is to realize that everyone in the family unit must move on. If you want to help your child through this rough time, encourage him or her to talk about the issues at home and to remain positive. It may be helpful to bring up the subject of a divorce with one parent first, and then to discuss what needs to be done with the two parents. There may need to be a time period when one parent is “on-call” and cannot be contacted. This is a time when all members of the family need to gather around to help keep each other calm.
It’s also important for kids to understand why someone wants to get a divorce. Kids need to understand that anger is not always a good thing. For example, if an adult parent feels like his or her spouse is ignoring him or her, it may lead to anger. Anger can lead to depression or feelings of insecurity. You can teach your kids to handle their anger in healthy ways by showing them examples where there are adults who have dealt with anger in a healthy way and have turned their difficulties into opportunities for success.
If you think that your family will benefit from some help getting through a divorce, you can start by talking to your lawyer about any possible orders that the judge may issue. If he or she agrees to set aside time during the separation to talk to the kids, you will be able to explain the reasons for the separation and what you hope to accomplish through the arrangement. If you’re still angry with your partner after the discussion, it may be best to go to therapy to help you get your emotions under control. This could mean joining a support group or reading books about dealing with divorce. There are also plenty of online therapists and websites that you can find to get counseling for yourself and your kids.
It is important for kids to feel like they have a place inside the family unit after a divorce. Children who feel like they belong in the family and who feel like they can talk about anything with their parents feel much less lonely than kids who do not feel that connection. It is also helpful for older kids to see how other kids behave during certain situations so that they can better deal with situations that result from anger. This helps children make better decisions in the future. By teaching their feelings, kids gain self-esteem and peace of mind.
If you have children who are very close to you during this time, and who are feeling particularly upset about the divorce, try to give them space. Separation may seem scary for them, but it’s best to take this time to heal their emotions. It is also helpful if they can watch your movie and express their own thoughts about what’s going on. Sometimes talking about things like the way the marriage turned out and the way they feel about the separation will help their mood. Kids sometimes need a bit of space and time to process their feelings before they’re ready to discuss them with their parents.
Even if the kids are the kids who are negatively affected by the divorce, you’ll want to attempt to minimize their feelings of anger as much as possible. Keep in mind that anger usually stems from one’s feelings about the arrangement itself or even the way the marriage ended. For instance, if you don’t like the separation and think the marriage ended badly, it will be hard for you to let go of that negative feeling. On the other hand, if you love the ex-spouse and think the marriage was right, you might feel the anger you’ve been feeling is unjustified or even blown out of proportion.
It can be difficult for kids to deal with a change in their family structure, especially if they feel like they lost control during and after the marriage. You’ll want to focus as much as possible on showing them that even though their parents have divorced, they are still family and they will get to know each other again. Also, if you think divorce is a good thing for the kids, encourage them to talk about their feelings about the whole situation at times when they’re not around you. Even though this process will be somewhat difficult, it will help the kids cope with their new situation in a better manner.